Song of the Heart

"For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads." Doctrine and Covenants 25:12
You know what? I love music. Like, real music. Not trashy, made-up, weird stuff. Just real instruments, real voices, real rhythm, real music.
You know what else? Fun fact about me: I have played the piano since I was in second grade. It's true. I'm actually not that great though, lets be honest here. Not trying to be modest here, I really wish I really practiced and kept up with it. I can mostly play hymns and a few primary songs, but that's pretty much the extent at this point. I still play and I still love it.
Instruments that I want to learn to play? Several actually, my mom played the harp in college. How cool would that be? I love, love, love cellos! You play the cello and I automatically love you. End of story. I also think the harmonica or the guitar would be fun to learn, or the clarinet.
Another instrument that I also actually play is the violin.
Well, did.
*Ok Suzanne, pull yourself together here*
I played the violin in middle school, high school, and a bit in college. The violin is very dear to my heart. Nothing like unzipping that familiar, old, black case to open up and find this beautiful instrument, ready to be listened to. Mine was orange-brown colored, four strings like they all do, a twisted scroll at the top, chips on the sides to show it's age and memories, and a shoulder rest that never did stay on straight.
I love that thing.
I remember playing twinkle-twinkle little star for the first time, and I remember easily being first chair and playing several solo parts for competitions and Christmas concerts. I remember playing in sacrament meetings and at funerals. I remember practicing for hours on my vibrato, shifting, and other techniques. Fiddle music, gentle music, whatever crossed my way I liked to learn to play.
Well, why don't I play any more?
Two reasons: first being that over the years of playing I have developed what I think is carpal tunnel in my left wrist. It bothers me from time to time, even when I am not playing. The pain is excruciating. Especially in my heart.
My second reason is that my father has lost his job. Simply, with money being tight and my youngest sister wanting to play an instrument in middle school now, I couldn't let it go to anyone else.
Do I wish that I could keep playing? Most definitely. Do I want to let it go? Not necessarily.
But will I let it go? Yes and no.
Yes my younger sister will learn to play and hopefully enjoy the same joys that I have come to know from learning and playing.
But no, because the memories will always be in my heart.