Another New Begining For Me

"Who can say if I've have been changed for the better? I do believe that I have been changed for the better."
(Wicked)
Where do I even begin? I have been wanting to blog all day today. Why? Well lets back up to one year ago from today.
One year ago from today - to say that I felt like I was alone is an understatement. I was the saddest I think I have ever been. I was confused and heartbroken to say the least. I had not slept well the night before.
I cried.
I sobbed.
I arose early that morning from my sister's house, although I had hardly slept. And with tears still in my eyes - never ceasing to flow - my kind and loving sister drove me to the air port.
You all know how much I love the air port.
It didn't help.
I was on my way home for the sumer. All summer long.
I cried the whole flight home to Texas. The flight attendant and the man next to me on the plane didn't know what to do or say. I wish they hadn't tried to do or say anything.
I called my mom and told her that I only wanted her and Dad to pick me up.
I didn't want my siblings to see me.
I was embarrassed.
Why was I so upset?Words can hardly or adequately describe. My heart had been completely shattered, and it was the most excruciatingly painful feeling I had ever felt in my life.
I was drained of all energy. I had no interest in doing anything but curling up in my bed, or sitting on my back porch for some fresh Texas air (long since I had felt so good of sunshine or breathable air as I did that summer), or on my knees in my closet.
I got sick. I was sick for a week.
My mother - although unaware of how truly empty I felt inside and unsure of exactly what to say to comfort me - was so gentle and kind.
My older sister as well - she often called to check on me and hear me cry or send me letters in the mail filled with love.
I was never more comforted by my family than in this my darkest hour.
A few friends as well from school - even though so far away - were still a comfort to me.
Thus began the most challenging and the longest summer I have ever experienced.
I thought it would never end.
Although I had so many wonderful people beside me, I still always felt empty. Their words did nothing - for my heart was numb (or at least what was left of it)
As I laid in total darkness inside, my mother's words still ring clear to me - although the exact wording I can not recall. She told me to get up. She told me to get a job. And she told me to read my scriptures every day.
I did.
You better believe I did.
I got a job. A good one. I worked hard.
A job that has given me more experience on so many levels that I wouldn't have ever had other wise. Working with children at that day care not only taught me skills that will prepare me for motherhood, but taught me again and reaffirmed to me again the simpleness of childlike faith and patience that I so desperately needed.
I also had a calling in my home ward - nursery leader.
No accident, eh?
And you better believe that I read my scriptures every single day that summer. Didn't skip a single day. Sometimes I read more than once a day. Hours.
I had a wrestle with the spirit, desperately seeking peace and answers.But it wasn't until I had come back to good old Salt Lake City when I received true peace of mind, of heart, of soul - and was truly comforted.
Not until after the trial of my faith.
I had to find all the pieces of my shattered heart, and bring them to my Heavenly Father and ask him to put it back together.It wasn't easy.It took a long time.
It was painful.
So very painful.
But
So very, very worth it.
I received an answer like I had never received before. And for the first time in a long time, I felt true peace.
True peace.
I felt real again.
After that never ending summer, I felt like I could be me again.
Happy even.
I started over.
I dated again.
I didn't make the same mistakes.
No sir.
I didn't rush.
I communicated and made things clear.
I found someone.
I hesitated.
I was slow.
He was patient.
I opened my heart up again.
And I fell in love again.
So very, very in love.
So what is it about this experience that has led me to have truly changed for the better?
New man in my life? New roommates? New calling in my singles ward?
No.
It's something that I have just recently discovered.
Recently, I introduced my boyfriend to my mom for the first time. And it was something he said that I will never forget."She is safe with me Sister Mitchell, you can trust me."
Let me explain what I mean. First off, I believe very strongly in the standards of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For example, I believe in dressing modestly because I respect myself and those I date and those around me. I know that there are some girls who do not dress modestly because they hope to attract a young man's attention.
"You can trust me."
That young man, however, is some one's son. Someone who's parents love them so very, very dearly. Who's parents love them and know them more than perhaps you do. Someone who's parents want to protect them and want the very best for them, who want them to be worthy to take a daughter of God to the Temple someday.
Am I the kind of young woman that this young man's parents can rely on to keep and uphold all of the standards at all times and in all things and in all places?
I want to be able to meet my boyfriend's parents someday and tell them that they can trust me - I am that kind of young woman.
Not that I have wavered much from this - I feel like I have always clung to theses standards.
As also I feel like my boyfriend is the same - he is that kind of young man who keeps the standards and tries his best each day.
So what does this have to do with my changing for the good? I have learned what respect means. what real respect means. And how it goes hand-in-hand with trust.
Real trust. Real love.
I uphold the standards because I trust in my Heavenly Father, because I have respect for myself, and because I love those around me.
I am truly grateful for each person in my life, for they have touched me for good. I am grateful for the experiences I have had - even the painful ones - that have led me to this point in my life.In the past year, I have grown and learned so much. I have learned how to rely on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
In fact, "I do believe that I have changed for the better."